Where Guys Screw Up When Messaging Women on Dating Sites

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Are women ignoring you online? Are you receiving little or no response to your online dating messages?

If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, chances are you’re committing at least one or more serious online dating faux pas. Check out our comprehensive list to find out where you’re going wrong and what you can do to change your luck. 

1. Using the wrong app

Have you ever heard the saying “it’s not you, it’s me?” This can often be applied to your lack of online success. It’s not you, it’s the app.

The worst mistake you can make when it comes to online dating is choosing the wrong app. And, with all of the choices out there, it’s not hard to make this mistake.

The best way to discern which app will give you the best results is by matching your needs to the app. If you are looking for a long-term relationship with someone of a particular religion a hookup app like Tinder isn’t going to get you what you want. If you are looking to have some casual fun with other open minded people or couples a site like swingtowns.com is going to give you way better results than a more general site like Match.

This quick and dirty rundown may help you a bit with your choice, but it’s also wise to read some well-researched reviews before choosing an app. A good review will mention the writer’s personal experience with the app. If it doesn’t, chances are, it’s nothing more than a marketing ploy to attract new users.

2. One-word messages

Once you’ve chosen an app that meets your needs, you’ll want to pay attention to the types of messages you’re sending. You don’t want to discover some great matches and then screw it up by sending a generic “hi,” “hey,” or “how’s it going?” You can’t get more boring than that. Beyond Ages did a great writeup on how men message women online and what to avoid.

Think of it like this: You see an attractive woman at a coffee shop. You decide to instigate a meeting. You wouldn’t walk up to her and just say “hi” or “hey” would you? Of course not. Chances are, the woman would say hello back, but she wouldn’t make any effort to get to know you. She’d likely say a polite and awkward “hi” and then beat a hasty retreat.

Try treating online meetings like you would a face-to-face encounter. In other words, put in some effort.

You actually have an advantage online because you can read a woman’s profile before sending her a message. You don’t have that kind of material to work with in person, so getting a conversation going online should be easier.

Find a common interest that you can reference. If you’re both into wine, for instance, tell her that you’re a fellow wine lover and ask what her favorite vintage is. If you can’t find a common interest, compliment her (just don’t be creepy).

3. Commenting on her appearance

Using flattery in your first message to a woman can be extremely effective but only when done right. Chances are she has received more than a few messages from men telling her she’s hot or beautiful. If you want to stand out from the crowd, you’ll want to avoid sending a “You’re so gorgeous” message.

Remember, flattery doesn’t have to be about her appearance – and it’s usually more effective if you go a different route. Doing a little recon on her profile will pay off. Is she a budding artist, a foodie, a fitness buff? Work with whatever material you have to show you were interested enough in her to read her entire profile.

You can try something like: “You mentioned that you’re into art history. What’s your favorite art movement? Mine’s the Vienna Secession.”

We can pretty much guarantee that she won’t have many messages like that making their way into her inbox. So if you truly want to stand out from the “hey, sexy lady” messages, this is the way to do it.

4. Sending generic cut-and-paste messages

We get it. Online dating can be hard work. And it’s hard to think of something totally new and creative to say to every single woman you message. But being too generic with your first message probably isn’t going to pay off. Women are pretty intuitive and can usually tell if you’re cutting and pasting from a template and sending the same thing to multiple ladies.

We’re not saying you can’t cut and paste at all. There’s nothing wrong with having a few generic openers. The key is to use them as a base and then tailor them to suit each individual woman. Once again, doing your research will make all the difference. Tweak your message to show that you’ve read her profile. Trust us, the extra effort will pay off.

5. Getting sexual

Nothing will kill your chances of a reply faster than sending a raunchy message. A lot of men seem to make the mistake of thinking that women on dating sites are on there just to get laid. While that may be true of sites that are dedicated to discreet hookups, on most sites, 99% of women have zero interest in getting naked with you. At least not until you’ve been out on a few successful dates.

Sending comments like “Looking at your pictures has me hard” or “I’d like to use your thighs as earmuffs” isn’t going to get the conversation started. She may message back to tell you you’re an idiot, but that’s probably the best you can hope for.

Crude comments rarely work. And that goes for so-called compliments likes “you’ve got great tits” as well.

As a rule of thumb, you should avoid talking about sex until you’ve built up rapport with a lady. Start slowly with the flirting and then increase it based on her responses to you. If she makes the conversation sexual, then you’ve got the green light to respond in kind. It’s even better if she sends some risque photos and asks you to send some back.

By following these five great tips, your success rate is bound to grow. With the right app and the right lines, you’ll be chatting with more women than you can handle.

The post Where Guys Screw Up When Messaging Women on Dating Sites appeared first on Non-Monogamy Blog by SwingTowns.

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