What To Look For in a Casual Sex Partner

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Finding a compatible sex partner isn’t the easiest task, even with hookup culture being incredibly popular at this moment in history. Sometimes, it can be difficult to find that person we’re comfortable and confident around. In this article, we’re talking about casual sex partners, how to find them, and what characteristics to look for.

Casual sex can take many forms and looks unique in each and every relationship. In truth, there is no cookie-cutter way of having a successful casual sex partner. However, there are some qualities to look for in potential suitors that will help you determine if they’re the right person for you.

casual sex partners spending time together

5 Questions to Ask Yourself about a Casual Sex Partner

Are You Comfortable Around Them?

How comfortable are you with this person? If you aren’t comfortable with your potential casual sex partner, or if you’re simply not attracted to them, then you definitely won’t want to have sex with them! While it may seem incredibly obvious, there have been times where I’ve ventured into sexual relations with people I wasn’t completely into. It’s no fun.

Having sex with someone you feel comfortable and confident around is important. It can increase your arousal and chance of orgasm, which are pretty important functions when it comes to casual sex. This is especially true as casual sex is most commonly based on the idea of meeting each other’s sexual needs.

Do You and this Casual Sex Partner Share Sexual Desires?

What makes a *great* sexual partner is one who shares some of the same sexual activities, dynamics, and fantasies as you do. I’ve used casual sex to discover what I liked in the bedroom, which helped me to determine my own concrete needs. Then, I’ve used this as a baseline for finding partners later on. If the only way you can come is through oral sex, and your casual partner doesn’t like giving head, then it might not make for the most fulfilling of hookups.

An excellent way to determine needs and desires previous to meeting your potential partner is through sexting. Sexting can work as a consent talk beforehand, which leads to figuring out if you both want similar sexual experiences. I use this technique often as a final method to determine whether I want to meet someone or not. This will ensure that you are both happy with the arrangement as there will be limited compromise and more enthusiasm.

Have You Discussed Boundaries and Desires?

Being on the same page as someone you’re considering as your sexual partner is critical to having great sex and a no-worry relationship. Defining your relationship, especially for casual purposes, can be awkward at first, but it’s helpful to establish boundaries. This way you can know you won’t be sacrificing an action that is detrimental to your emotional well-being. Sex, even casual sex, can still affect how you feel. The last thing you want to feel from your casual sex partner is sadness.

After you’ve met with your partner a couple of times, you can both talk about boundaries and expectations from each other based on both of your needs. How often will you see each other? Are you sleeping with other people? How much non-sexual interaction will be involved (i.e. going for coffee together)? Are cuddles allowed? These questions can help you determine if you’re both on the same page. If you do run into a deal-breaker, then this person probably isn’t someone you want to continue seeing casually. It’s important to know your needs (emotional and physical) and to have those needs met during casual sex relationships.

Is there Open Honesty in Your Relationship?

We can all agree that honesty is a vital part of any relationship, especially when that relationship is sexual. Honesty can be overlooked between casual sex partners, but I believe it’s something that is necessary to achieve a great casual sex relationship. It can increase your chance of comfort around someone, including trusting that they’re respecting the boundaries you’ve laid out. Honesty is also crucial when it comes to discussions of STIs and contraception methods. If you can’t trust someone in bed, you could be putting your physical and mental health at risk.

How Realistic is this Casual Sex Partner, Geographically?

Geographical proximity is not something you necessarily need in a casual sex partner but is a bonus to have. I usually end up overlooking this quality in sacrifice for the others on this list, because the city I live in isn’t the biggest and I find I click with people who live elsewhere. However, having someone who lives a close distance is incredibly convenient. There have been many times where I’ve been left horny and alone, due to fuck pals being in a different city and unable to get to me. A closer, more accessible casual sex partner means spontaneous hookups, which is a great thing.

casual sex partners enjoying time together

How to Find the Right Casual Sex Partner

As mentioned above, it’s actually not difficult to find potential sex partners. It’s the vetting process that’s important.

SwingTowns is the perfect place for finding casual sex partners, swingers, kinky friends, and other sexual suitors. And it’s perfectly free to sign up! Join a group in your area today to get out there and have some fun.


Members of the SwingTowns Community can discuss this article and its implications on the lifestyle community forum. If you’re not a member, you can sign up today and see what you’re missing.


Suz E
Suz E is a blogger who writes about sex, body-positivity, masturbation, feminism, and lifestyle at redhotsuz.com. She’s passionate about exploring the intersections between dating, sexuality, and politics in her writing. You can find her feminist Twitter rants at @redhotsuz and cute sex-toys pics at @redhot.suz on Instagram. Visit Red Hot Suz to learn more.

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