What the Swingers Lifestyle Can Teach You About Marriage

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I remember the very first time my husband and I tried swinging. We put out an ad on Craigslist, and by the end of the very first day…we felt like the king and queen of the Internet. We had so many interested couples we didn’t know where to begin. I remember we would sit at night and go through the emails together. We would comment to one another about what we liked and didn’t like. Eventually we started to chat with other couples. Then talk about meeting up. That whole week my husband and I toyed with the idea of what could happen while we simultaneously flirted with all these perfect strangers on the Internet. It was all so very salacious and taboo.

We really were enjoying ourselves.

But as luck would have it {and because it is Craigslist after all} by the end of that first week, it seemed as if every couple we had made plans with had fallen through the cracks, and come Saturday evening, we were both retired to the idea that we were not going to get to have the orgy we had fantasized about all week long after all.

This is admittedly a defeating feeling.

And your body feels a little like, “Well you promised a party over here and none of that happened so…”

But the beautiful thing about swinging is this: If your date/s flake, you always have a built-in back up plan! So since my husband and I were already stimulated from a week’s worth of online debauchery, we were literally only minutes away from heading to our room to play with each other when we got an email.

It was from a couple about our age.

I read the email aloud to my husband and we opened the attached photo together. They were cute. And they seemed friendly and stable.

We responded, and immediately, an online email conversation was started. Some might say it happened too fast, but for us, we felt comfortable enough to set up a time and place to meet that night. And from here, my husband and I hurried to get ready for this kinky little last minute date of ours.

The three of us arranged to meet. My husband and I had no childcare for the evening, seeing as how we had no real plans for the night, and since he is the less social of the two, he stayed behind with our kids while I dashed off to meet this new couple at a local hotel bar. Before I left for our date, my husband helped me get ready. He has never done that before. I mean, for dates with him, sure, but never like this, never for someone else. I still remember the little green dress that I wore and how good I smelled. It was such an erotic and memorable experience for us both.

It also must be noted that showing up to a bar to go on a date with a couple is one of the most invigorating moments of life. It has such a rush of emotions: happy, nervous, excited, anxious, scared, and stimulated. The couple and I dove into a good natural conversation right away, and we were at the bar for over an hour while I checked in with my husband here and there.

Now, if you are in sales, you can relate to this, I am sure, but the hardest part of any transaction is the “ask” and it is certainly no different with swinging. I mean, think about it—how often do you transition from a nice, flirty conversation over drinks with a virtual stranger to “Would you like to come have sex with me and my husband and our house?” in your vanilla life? Not very often at all, I am sure.

So as you can imagine, transitions become quite important in the Swinging world.

At any rate, the “ask” was eventually made and a plan was put in place to move the party to our house, and soon, the couple and I were in our cars playing follow the leader back down the street a few blocks to my waiting {and equally as anxious} husband.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering… Did we wind up having our swinger orgy after all?

Well let’s just say this: that night my husband and I had one of the most satisfying nights of our life. We woke up the next day KNOWING we were made for this lifestyle.

So I guess if you were to ask me what the Swingers lifestyle teaches you about marriage…I would have to say adventure!

The Swingers lifestyle teaches you that you and your partner or partners can have adventure again. All you have to do is give yourselves the permission to do it.

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Tanya Marie
Tanya Marie is a kinky sexpert, blogger & writer. Her work focuses primarily on sexuality, sensuality/self love, and her occasional late-night tales of the swinging lifestyle. She is a 4th wave, intersectional feminist, proud slut, and has been happily married to her husband for over 16 years with two small daughters. Check out more of her work at TakeBackYourSex.org.

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