The Cuckold Cover-Up: Dismantling the 4 Big Whoppers

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Let’s be honest. When you’re surfing the web for information on cuckolding, you have to wade through a lot of bull^#*@ to find accurate and reliable information. We’re going to bust through four of the biggest myths about cuckolding and set the record straight about this popular fetish.

Myth #1: Cuckolds are All Men

According to Dr. David Ley, Ph.D, and author of Insatiable Wives, up to 20% of US males get turned on by the cuckold fantasy, which is around 24 million men. It’s one of the most common male sexual fantasies in the world.

It begs the questions, of course. Are there any women that like to watch their husbands have sex with other women?

Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a popular expert in human sexuality, had this to say:

“We do not know nearly as much about troilism (the cuckold fantasy) among women—unfortunately, it is a topic that just has not generated any significant research attention. However, we know that some women do indeed have this sexual interest. This is sometimes referred to as ‘cuckqueaning’ (‘cuckquean’ being the female equivalent of the term ‘cuckold’).”

Although no one really knows how many cuckqueans there are (sorry guys), Dr. Lehmiller offers a tantalizing clue. In an ongoing study he is conducting about the sexual fantasies of adults, he queried more than 2,000 people and found that 35% of the women admitted they have fantasized about watching their partner with someone else. Compare that to 49% of the men. It’s not a huge difference, is it?

Pay attention guys, if you find one of these rare gems. you better hold onto her! The cuckquean may be the quintessential pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. She’s ephemeral and hard to catch, but well worth the effort if you can find this elusive treasure.


Myth #2: All Cuckolds Like Humiliation

This is one of the most enduring cuckold myths and you see it in porn all the time. The husband is in tears as he helplessly watches his wife eagerly take it from his much larger next door neighbor.

This idea of humiliation has become synonymous with cuckolding, which is unfortunate because many cuckolds aren’t interested in any humiliation at all.

Cuckold Relationship proposes the idea of a ‘cuckoldry spectrum” in which the traits and behaviors of cuckolds have a wide range of variability.

The Cuckold Spectrum

The cuckoldry spectrum illustrates the range of traits that occur between two extreme endpoints. On one end of the spectrum is the masochistic cuckold who enjoys humiliation and submission. On the other end is the alpha cuckold who has zero interest in humiliation or submission, but still finds watching his wife to be very erotic.

Most men fall somewhere between these two extremes, leaning a little more towards one side and away from the other.

Another way to distinguish cuckolds is by the terms we use to refer to them. For instance, the term hotwifing has come into prominence to distinguish it from cuckolding. The idea being that cuckolding involves humiliation and demeaning activities, while hotwifing simply involves the voyeuristic appreciation of one’s spouse in action.

Many people use the terms stag or hotwife husband the same way – to distinguish themselves from cuckolds who enjoy degrading treatment.

So while not all cuckolds like a huge helping of humiliation, it does seem to be a fairly common component of many cuckold fantasies. It’s the degree of humiliation that differs far more than its inclusion.

Myth #3: Cuckolds Don’t Get Jealous

There is an assumption that, because cuckolds get aroused by the thought of their partner screwing someone else, they don’t experience jealousy. I mean, otherwise, why would they ask, right?

Despite the irony, cuckolds do indeed get jealous, although it’s often cyclic and part of the physiologic response to cuckolding.

The cuckold fantasy has components of voyeurism, edge-play, and the taboo, but it is the uncertainty and potential danger of the situation that really drive the turn-on.

The cuckold opens Pandora’s Box when he unleashes his wife because she suddenly has options that extend beyond himself and he is acutely aware of those possibilities.

The body reacts to this perception of this danger and anxiety by activating the fight or flight response of the sympathetic nervous system. This constant low-level activation causes the release of adrenaline and other chemical messengers that put the cuckold into a state of chronic hyper-arousal.

This hyper-aroused state masks the jealousy and shame that fuel the cuckold fantasy. After sexual release, the jealousy and anxiety resurface and start the cycle all over again.

In this way, the cuckold’s experience is a lot like being on a roller-coaster – up one minute and down the next.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Cuckolds not only get jealous, but that jealousy is often a necessary component of their turn-on. Although this is the case for the vast majority of cuckolds, there are some who genuinely seem to experience a near total lack of jealousy.

This is often known as compersion in polyamorous circles. Think of it as the total opposite of jealousy…an ideal that few people can obtain in reality.

Myth #4: Cuckolds have a higher incidence of mental or emotional dysfunction

Our final whopper is the idea that anyone who intentionally engages in cuckolding must have a higher incidence of mental or emotional dysfunction. I can happily wave the bullshit flag on this one.

Religious fundamentalist and conservative politicians have been touting this line for years. Obviously, anyone with an interest in non-monogamy must be certifiable, right?

Well, as it turns out, all the current evidence points to the fact that cuckolds have no higher incidence of mental or emotional dysfunction than their monogamous counterparts.

In fact, Dr. David Ley, tell us that measures of relationship satisfaction and longevity are just as high for cuckold couples as they are for monogamous couples.

Research released just this year shows the longterm benefits of non-monogamy, such as enhanced trust, better communication, more enjoyable sex, increasing commitment, and….”family and community benefits.”

There isn’t a much better endorsement for a sexual fantasy than that…..

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Ben Steel
Ben Steel
Founder & CEO of Cuckold Relationship
The world’s most authoritative and reliable information and advice for the modern cuckold relationship.

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