The Comprehensive Glossary for the Swinger Lifestyle and Kink

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Do you struggle to keep up with all the terms in the swinger lifestyle? We’ve got it all with this comprehensive glossary!

420-Friendly

A single or couple with a positive attitude toward cannabis. In addition, those who are 420-friendly are generally okay with the consumption of weed in their presence. 

A

Aftercare

Typically used in the BDSM community, aftercare involves the physical and/or emotional care that takes place after a scene. Aftercare is the process that helps transition parties back to reality by using methods, like caressing, cuddling, and eating/drinking.

Age Play

A type of fetish/kink that involves one party playing the role of someone who’s older and the other party roleplaying a person who is much younger. Daddy/daughter, Mommy/son, Teacher/student, etc are common scenarios in age play. 

Airtight

A consensual sex act that involves a woman being penetrated vaginally, anally, and orally at the same time. 

Anal Training

The process of using fingers and toys in an effort to “train” the sphincter muscles of the anus to relax for easier penetration. 

B

Bareback

The act of having sex without the use of condoms or other protection. 

BDSM

Short for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. BDSM involves a wide range of “kinky” sexual practices, like physical/emotional pain, domination, and restraints. Newbies interested in BDSM should start by reading our beginner’s guide

Bednotchers

A term commonly used in the swinger lifestyle. Bednotchers refers to a single or couple who prefers having sex with new partners as opposed to repeat swapping. 

Bi-Curious

Refers to a typically heterosexual person who is interested or “curious” about being sexually involved with someone of the same gender. 

Bondage

The “B” in BDSM. Bondage is a component of kinky sex that involves restraints, tying, and binding to prevent movement. 

Bottom

In the BDSM community, “bottom” refers to the submissive party. Being a bottom implies playing a passive role in sex, taking orders, and also receiving sensations. 

Breath Play

A type of sexual play that involves the restriction of oxygen to intensify sensations and/or stimulate an orgasm. Furthermore, breath play can be done alone or with a partner. 

Bull

A common term in the swinging community. A bull is absolutely necessary for hotwife or cuckold scenarios. The term refers to a man (typically a dominant) who takes sexual “ownership” over another man’s wife. 

C

Casual Sex

Engaging in sexual play/activities with someone or a group of people with no social or emotional connections involved. Casual sex can happen just once or it may also occur regularly. 

Compersion

A term often used in the swinging/open relationship community. Compersion refers to the genuine happiness, joy, and satisfaction that comes from seeing a loved one experience joy and satisfaction. Consequently, it is often viewed as the opposite of jealousy.

Consensual Nonmonogamy (CNM):

A non-monogamous relationship dynamic that involves the express consent of all parties involved. Consensual nonmonogamy refers to a relationship style that includes intimacy with more than one partner. Open relationships, polyamory, and swinging are all examples of CNM.

Cuckold

Often used in the swinger lifestyle and kink realm. A cuckold refers to a male who enjoys watching his partner engage in sexual activities with other people, without his direct involvement. Sometimes, the cuckold plays a more submissive role, consenting to degredation and humiliation by the other man in the scenario. 

Cuckquean

The female version of a cuckold. The cuckquean gains satisfaction by watching her male partner engage in sexual relations with other people. 

D

D&D Free (also called “DD Free”)

Commonly found in swinger lingo, this abbreviates the term “Drug and Disease Free.” It refers to a person or couple who is free from STIs and doesn’t use drugs. 

Discipline

Also referred to as “obedience training” in the BDSM/kink community. Discipline involves a series of rules and punishments set by a Dominant and also includes physical/psychological pain, humiliation, and bondage. 

Dominant

This refers to the person who takes control in a BDSM relationship or scene. The Dominant sets the rules, exercises control over the submissive, and also employs the use of physical/psychological pain and humiliation as a form of power play. 

Double Penetration (DP)

DP refers to the sexual act where a woman’s vagina and anus are penetrated at the same time. 

Dungeon

A location designed and equipped for BDSM play. This could be in someone’s home or a club. 

E

Edge Play

This refers to the highest risk of play in the BDSM community, and involves bringing a person to the “edge” of their psychological or physical limits. Edge play typically includes more dangerous kinks, like breath and blood play. 

Edging

A sexual technique that involves bringing a person as close to orgasm as possible, and then ending all stimulation. Edging can be done with a partner or alone and definitely isn’t exclusive to the BDSM community. 

Electrostimulation

Also called “electric play”, electrostimulation involves the use of electricity and electric pulses to stimulate excitement and sexual gratification. 

Entertain

Often mentioned as “can entertain” in swinger profiles, this refers to a person or couple who is comfortable with hosting others in their home. 

Exhibitionist

A person who gains excitement and gratification from being watched or put on display while nude or during sexual activity. 

F

Fetish

A sexual attraction toward a specific body part, object, or experience. In the kink world, a fetish exists when the arousal happens toward things typically non-sexual in nature (like being aroused by feet, rope, pain, or underwear). 

Flagellation

The BDSM act of flogging, whipping, or spanking with the intention of erotic stimulation. 

Foreplay

The actions that take place prior to intercourse to help ensure everyone involved is aroused and sexually excited. Consequently, foreplay can include a wide range of activities, like talking dirty, cuddling, and making out. 

Full Swap

A term used in the swinger lifestyle community to reference two couples who exchange partners for sexual contact and penetration. 

G

Gag

A toy designed to be inserted into a submissive’s mouth during sexual encounters to prevent them from talking or crying out. 

Gang Bang

A consensual experience where one individual engages in sexual activities with multiple different people. Gangbang activities can all take place at the same time or happen in succession. 

Group Sex

An umbrella term that describes a scenario where multiple couples are having sex in the same vicinity at the same time. As a result, this could involve swapping partners, but it might not. 

H

Hall Pass

A “hall pass” happens when a person in a committed relationship is granted permission to engage in sexual relations with someone else. Hall passes typically have time limits and might also restrict the people allowed. 

Handler

Typically used in a BDSM context where the submissive plays the role of a “puppy” or “pet.” A handler describes the Dominant party who takes full responsibility for their submissive. 

Hotel Takeover

Used to describe large lifestyle events. In hotel takeovers, a group of swingers rents out an entire hotel (or one floor of it) with the intention of hosting parties and play there. 

Hotwife

A woman in a committed relationship who has sex with people outside of it, which is similar to cuckolding. Unlike cuckolding, however, hotwifing typically does not include the humiliation aspect. 

I

Immobilization

A form of bondage that renders the submissive incapable of movement. This can be done with the intention of performing sexual acts on the submissive, or as an act by itself. 

Impact Play

A term used in BDSM circles that describes the act of striking the body. This can be done with a whip, flogger, cane, or similar toy. 

IRL

An acronym that stands for “in real life.” It’s commonly used in lifestyle scenarios where meeting up is the topic of discussion. 

K

Kink

A term to describe sexual practices that fall outside the traditional scope of “normal.” BDSM is considered a kink, as is exhibitionism, age play, and orgasm control.

L

Lifestyle

Often used in the open relationship community, being “in the lifestyle” refers to someone who engages in a relationship lifestyle outside the traditional realm. As a result, this can include swingers, those involved in BDSM, and others in a nonconventional relationship. 

LTR

An acronym that stands for “long term relationship.” It is commonly used in open relationship and swinger lifestyle. 

couple in the swinger lifestyle

M

Masochism

The “M” in BDSM. Masochism describes the sexual arousal that comes from experiencing the pain, humiliation, and domination associated with being a submissive. 

Metamour

A term used within polyamorous circles used to describe a lover’s lover. A metamour is someone sexually or romantically engaged with someone that you are romantically/sexually engaged with, but has no relations with you. 

MFM

An acronym for male-female-male. MFM refers to a sexual scenario between two men and a woman. Furthermore, as implied by the order of the letters, the males only have contact with the female. 

Munch

A social gathering, often in a public location, for those interested in the BDSM lifestyle. A munch is a casual encounter for meeting up with seasoned kinksters and also those learning more about BDSM. 

N

Newbie

An endearing term used to describe someone curious about or new to the lifestyle. 

Nipple Clamps

A clamp-like toy commonly used by those involved in BDSM. Nipple clamps restrict blood flow to the nipples and act as a form of sensation play. 

O

Open/Open Relationship

A form of consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) that describes a relationship where both parties agree on some degree of sexual relations outside of it. 

Orgasm Denial

Often used in BDSM scenes, this practice describes the practice of repeatedly denying orgasms with the goal of increasing erotic tension. Unlike edging, which eventually results in an orgasm, orgasm denial might not. 

Orgy

A gathering that involves sexual activities among multiple different people in the same location. 

OTK

An acronym for “over-the-knee.” This refers to a punishment in the BDSM community where a Dominant puts a submissive over their knee and spanks them. 

P

Parallel Play

An act among swingers where two (or more) couples engage in sex with their own partner next to one another. There is no swapping involved in parallel play and most couples don’t interact much beyond simply watching one another. 

Pegging

This describes the sexual act of using a strap-on for anal sex. Pegging typically takes place within heterosexual relationships. 

Play

The term used for sexual acts that take place between two (or more) consenting adults. 

Poly

Short for polyamorous, this term describes someone who is open to engaging in multiple romantic/sexual partners at any one time. 

Q

Queef

An involuntary release of trapped air from the vagina that makes a sound similar to a fart. Because queefing is just trapped air, there is no odor.

R

Roleplay

When people choose to act out a fictional identity during a sexual act. Some of the most common roleplay scenarios are: boss-employee, teacher-student, nurse-patient, and stripper-customer.

Rope Bunny

A submissive in the BDSM community who enjoys being bound, restrained, and immobilized with rope and similar materials. This could be for sexual or non-sexual purposes. 

S

S&M

An acronym for Sadism and Masochism. The “SM” in BDSM. 

Sadism

The “S” in BDSM. Sadism describes the sexual arousal that comes from inflicting the pain, humiliation, and domination associated with being a Dominant. 

Safe Word

A previously established word designed for use by a submissive to end a BDSM scene immediately. 

Same Room

A term used in the swinger lifestyle that indicates a couple would like to stay in the “same room” during sexual play. This is the in contrast to those who are comfortable playing with others in different rooms/spaces than their partner. 

Sex Club

Also known as a swinger/lifestyle club, these are clubs that are specifically designed for sexual activity. In addition, many of these locations include a dance floor and bar. 

Soft Swap

Indicates that a couple in the swinger lifestyle is not comfortable having full penetrative sex with others. The limits of what they are comfortable with varies from couple to couple, but usually includes oral and manual sex as well as girl/girl play. 

Stag

The husband of the hotwife. A stag encourages his female partner to have sex with other men with or without his presence. 

Submissive

The one who willingly and consensually submits to the Dominant in a BDSM scene or relationship. This can also be shortened to “sub.”

Swapping

In the context of the swinger lifestyle, this is the act of exchanging partners for sexual enjoyment. 

Swinger

Someone comfortable with consensual nonmonogamy. A swinger is someone interested in engaging in sexual play with other singles and couples. Furthermore, they are comfortable with their partner doing the same. 

T

Temperature Play

A common type of play in the BDSM community that involves the use of heat/cold to stimulate the senses or serve as punishment. 

Threesome

A situation where three people engage in sexual activity simultaneously and in the same location. 

Top

In the BDSM community, “top” refers to the Dominant party. In addition, being a top implies playing an active, leading role in sex, giving orders and sensations. 

Triad

A term most commonly used in the poly community, a triad refers to a long-term romantic/sexual relationship consisting of three people. Also called a “throuple.”

U

Unicorn

A person (usually a bi-sexual woman) who is invited to join an existing relationship. In the polyamorous/open relationship community, unicorns are considered highly rare and sought after. As a result, they can also find themselves in unfair relationship dynamics, depending on the couple’s intentions. 

Unicorn Hunting

The term used to describe a couple actively searching for a unicorn, whether online or in person. 

V

Vanilla

Used to describe a person whose relationship/sex style falls within the bounds of “normal” and traditional. Moreover, a vanilla person is monogamous and is only interested in sex without kink. 

Vixen

In hotwifing situations, the vixen is the wife. Above all, her male partner encourages her to have sex with other men with or without his presence. 

Voyeurism

The act of becoming sexually aroused by watching someone else engage in sexual activities. 

W

Water Sports

Any type of sexual play that involves urine. This could be simply watching a partner as they pee, or asking them to pee on you. 


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Savannah
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