Swinger Couples and Setting Your Own Rules

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When relationships lose their spark, sometimes swinging can help liven things up again. It’s by no means an easy thing to jump into, especially if you’ve never explored non-monogamy before. There are a few common mistakes that swinger couples make and that could be easily avoided with open communication. The swingerlifestyle is not for everyone, but you’ll never really know before understanding how it all works. For example, there are some terms you need to learn to ensure that there are no misunderstandings or boundaries crossed in an encounter. Don’t do anything before you and your loved one have a grasp on the lifestyle and a set of rules in place. Otherwise, your relationship might be in even more trouble than you started with.

 

Swinger couples have to agree on how they handle this aspect of their life

 

Like we said before, you have to do some research before jumping into the swinger lifestyle. You can’t just show up at a party and see what happens (not without a lot of problems, anyway). There has to be clear communication and an understanding of boundaries between you and your partner. For example, your significant other might not want to do more than just meet a nice couple or two and learn more about what swingers are like. Maybe they just want to see what it would be like to talk to other people that are interested in this lifestyle. If you show up with the misguided notion that you’re about to have some fun with true swingers and your partner has totally different intentions, things may get hostile fast.

 

You can’t read each other’s thoughts. Even when you’ve talked everything through, it’s a good idea to take things slow. You might hypothetically be okay with something and then have a totally different opinion once things really go down. Keep communication going, be upfront in every encounter (even when you change your mind), and don’t rush into anything.

 

The swingerlifestyle should not be an ultimatum

 

While swinging can add to your relationship, it’s not a “fix” for any problems you might be having. Going into it with this notion is only going to make things worse. Even if your partner is down, you must respect any boundaries they might have. Swinging doesn’t mean there are no rules, and it’s never okay to pressure others into doing things they’re uncomfortable with. If your partner is not interested in the lifestyle, and they make it clear that they don’t even want to try, respect it. Attending parties or meeting another couple in real life can be a fun experience, but only if you are both into it. Otherwise, you are setting your relationship up for failure.

 

On the other hand, even when your partner agrees to trying the lifestyle or seems interested in it, don’t assume that anything is going to (or should) happen right away. Just be patient and don’t jump to any conclusions before you are certain that both you and your loved one are up for it.

 

Don’t assume all true swingers have the same approach as you do

 

All swinger couples are different, which means that they have different needs, expectations, and rules. That is why it’s critical that you don’t assume anything: always ask before getting involved. It is never ok to jump straight to action without understanding others’ boundaries. This is when knowing those swinger terms comes in handy. You might hear a couple request something like “soft swap, no kissing, same room.” If you don’t know the terms very well yet, anyone you have an encounter with should be happy to explain.

 

Once you’re all in agreement, great. If not, you can choose to discuss it further or just look for someone else. This is just a recommendation. After all, things can go one way or the other and there are various scenarios that you could find yourself dealing with. It’s important to have a set of rules that you and your partner follow so that there are no misunderstandings along the way. Be sure that you check in with each other too, especially at the beginning, to ensure that your rules are comfortable enough. At the end of the night, you and your loved one are going home together. Be there for each other.

 

Don’t ask your partner to take one for the team

 

In other words, if they are not feeling alright with the situation, you should not ask them to wait around while you have fun with someone else. The whole purpose of the swingerlifestyle is to have a happy, healthy life – together. If you are not sharing this experience, what’s the point? Taking one for the team is definitely not fair, and it is never a good idea. It will only lead to arguing, hurt feelings, and broken trust.

 

Once you’ve decided on specific rules for swinger couples, stick to them. That doesn’t mean they’ll never change, and it’s okay if they do – assuming you’re both comfortable with it. It can be a bit challenging to find exactly what works for you and your partner, so it’s actually a good idea to being open at the beginning. Once you find your rhythm, it will all be worth it.

 

Repeat encounters might not be a good idea

 

When you’re new to swinging, we recommend that you don’t meet the same couple more than once if you can avoid it. This is to avoid any emotional connections from being made which might complicate things if you’ve never explored non-monogamy before. Just keep it simple. Wait a month or so before having a repeat encounter.

Becoming true swingers does not happen overnight, which is why it’s best to talk to your partner, share your worries and expectations, and have clear rules. Go slow. Join an online swinger community that allows you to experiment with some soft flirting and just see how you both feel about it. Have fun!

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