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Back in my early twenties, I had a supervisor who was studying to be a psychiatrist. I don’t remember how we got on the topic of having orgasms while at work, but I clearly remember he once said, “Sex happens in the brain. Your brain is the biggest sexual organ you have.”

I don’t know how scientifically accurate that statement is, but this insight literally changed my whole outlook on sex and orgasms. Armed with the knowledge that my brain was the facilitator of my pleasure, I moved forward in life with sexual confidence, because I realized that I was no longer at the mercy of my sexual partners to receive sexual gratification. Regardless of size or skill, I could climax with or without them.

Over a decade has passed since I worked in that office, but I’ll always be grateful to the boss who told me that. Now, with many orgasms under my belt, I write this post for the ladies out there searching for new and thrilling ways to reach that peak, revealing all of my own personal techniques to having mind-blowing orgasms every single time.

1.) Feel Sexy. Be Sexy. Be Confident.

Embrace your beauty and sexuality for yourself, not for anyone else. Do what makes YOU feel sexy and confident, and do so without care as to what other people might think. Want to wear a corset? Do it. Thigh-high stockings and garter belts? Do it. Nothing but your nipple piercings? Do it. If you want to wear lingerie with a feather boa wrapped around your neck as you sip champagne and eat chocolate-covered strawberries, then do it, do it, do it. Because confidence is sexy, so be confident in your sexiness and do what makes you feel sexy and you will have more orgasms.

2.) Set the Mood for Intimacy.

Invest time in preparing your surroundings so you can immerse yourself in an ambiance that promotes all things pleasurable. Again, this is all about you. Do whatever you want or need to do to make your environment feel as sexy as you feel. I personally love scented candles, bubble baths, and erotic books or movies. Some might want plastic wrap, chocolate syrup and sprinkles, and a webcam running to share all the fun with your friends in another part of the world. Whatever your fantasy atmosphere, set up your personal space to maximize your arousal.

3.) Have Your Vibrators in Reach.

Scatter tools of pleasure around your play area: handcuffs and floggers, lotions and lubricants, dildos and anal plugs. Whatever your kink, have your sex toys on hand—especially clitoral vibrators. The sheer number of nerve endings on the clitoris makes it the most erogenous zone on the female body with over 70% of women claiming they need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm.

4.) Be There in the Moment—or Be Somewhere Erotic in Your Head.

You are dressed (or undressed) for success, and everything is setup to promote an evening of fun and pleasure. Things get off to a great start, but for whatever reason, you’re mind suddenly shifts to the more mundane: there is this project at work and bills that need to be paid and the kids who want new shoes – STOP. Do not fall into that trap. Keep your mind in the moment, and if that isn’t working, imagine an erotic fantasy where your pleasure is the focus.

5.) Indulge in a Fictional Fantasy During Sex.

Are you that naughty secretary that made a typo and the boss is demanding his pound of flesh? Or maybe you are the boss who’s sexy new assistant is looking to please you in all the right ways. Abducted by sexy aliens? Perhaps you want to star as the heroine in your own historical bodice-ripper, and a sexy conqueror has not only taken your castle, but he has taken you as his prize. Whatever your fantasy scenario is, don’t be afraid to explore it in your head. You are only limited by your imagination, and it can be your secret…your partner doesn’t even have to know.

6.) Do Not Be Afraid to Communicate Your Desires.

There is nothing wrong with telling your lovers exactly what to do to make you purr. Women often feel obligated to protect the feelings of their partners during sex, sacrificing their own pleasure while secretly wishing their partner would change up the rhythm, or touch them in a particular spot, or maybe even spank them and/or pull their hair. Communicate your desires. You’d be surprised how many men and women would love to have the input—your partner wants you to have more orgasms. Helping to bring others to climax is a point of pride for most lovers.

7.) If All Else Fails, Change It Up!

Live role-play a fantasy with your partner or partners. Get away from the norm and travel, go have sex in exotic locations. Maybe explore new fetishes—perhaps you are a hidden exhibitionist, or would enjoy a BDSM lifestyle. Attend a swingers club. Add a new lover to your life, or add an additional lover to your relationship. If you are not sure where to start, create a free account on SwingTowns. And last, remember that self-love is normal and healthy, so take the time to explore your body and find your own pleasure. No one knows your body the way you do.

Members of the SwingTowns Community can discuss this article and its implications on the lifestyle community forum. If you’re not a member, you can sign up today and see what you’re missing.

Tia Fanning
Erotic Author Tia Fanning has discovered that she always writes a little of herself in every story, and in that vulnerability, is committed to writing the best stories she can, challenging herself and her readers to experience the full range of emotions in every adventure presented. Be it love, lust, humor, grief, or even pushing boundaries that might be deemed shocking by many mainstream readers, Tia Fanning believes that it is her responsibility to tell the story as honestly as possible without letting her fears, societal pressure, or the possibility of censorship shackle her creativity. Life is a spontaneous, thrilling journey filled with highs and lows and unexpected twists and turns, and Tia wants her stories to reflect that awesome reality. Find out more about Tia on or visit her profile on SwingTowns.

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