If you think your man is getting more sexual pleasure than you, you’re probably right: research shows that men are more satisfied than women in the bedroom.
Honestly? Not cool.
You deserve to get the big O — or at least hop off without any sexual frustration — just as much as the guy(s) in your life. Luckily, it’s nothing a little communication can’t fix! Here are some ways you can broach the subject to get better sex.
A lot of guys don’t really understand female anatomy (duh!) and there’s a lot we’re still learning as people. That’s why it sometimes helps to share some knowledge. For example, if he gets to the “main event” a little too quickly, you can tell him that most people like getting around 18 minutes of foreplay. It matters y’all!
If your man just isn’t delivering but you’re not ready to talk about it, introduce it in a way that will excite both of you. “Hey babe,” you might say, “Remember when…?” And then come up with a list together of the hottest things you’ve ever done in bed. That way it won’t feel like a critique and it gives him a chance to express what he likes too. Keep the list handy when you’re ready to get it on — and start asking for what you want!
If you’ve ever heard that “men have sensitive egos” you might have scared yourself into not being honest with them about sex. Truth is, many guys are sensitive about their performance in bed but that’s only because many people are sensitive about it. They’re still just guys and they’ll learn to get over it if they care about your pleasure too. Work on being more up front about your desires! Sex should never be passive or one-sided. Remember: it’s not something you do to someone, it’s something you do with them.
Sexuality is a very complicated thing and unique to every person. Sometimes it’s not about what we’re getting (or not getting) from a specific person but rather what we might find outside of our relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is becoming more common in our society now than ever with everything from polyamory to swingers and open dating. If you find yourself frequently becoming bored with partners or you feel that something significant may be missing from your life sexually or romantically, it may be time to have a conversation about it.
Still need help? Check out this article about communication styles and relationships.