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Learning how to swing is one of the most exciting things you can do in a relationship. But once you’ve done your research, how do you actually get up the nerve to put the signals out there? Being the one to initiate swinging with people you like is often a little bit daunting. 

If you’re like me and second guess yourself 24/7 and analyze every little thing another couple does or says trying desperately to figure out if they are down to, y’know, get wet and wild — without outright asking — it can be a living nightmare.

Sometimes though, you just have to trust yourself, tell that voice in your head to shut up, and ask the damn question. 

Here, people who’ve initiated swinging with other couples explain how they did it.

  1. “We like to drop the ‘vanilla’ word and see if we get a reaction or any word that swingers would know.” [via]
  2. “Use the word ‘play’ when referring to having good times with other folks and see how they react. e.g. Had a playful time with some friends at a party this weekend… partied really hard! There’s just enough code there that swingers will see it clearly and vanillas will just think you are just talking about a great time.” [via]
  3. “Openly and obviously flirt, don’t get weird and jealous and see what happens. Though I think sometimes swingers that are ready to go get that vibe a lot. Real or not. But if you’re not worried about anything, you have nothing to lose.” [via]
  4. “What usually works is to talk about yourself or ask for an opinion about something you have read or seen: ‘We read that article about swinging and were wondering if we should do it. What do you guys think?’” [via]
  5. “When you’re chatting, morph the conversation to sexual topics. For example, say, ‘You know, we’ve thought about going to a nudist camp. Have you guys ever thought about that?’ Gauge their response. If they’re positive, keep it going. If not, either they’re not swingers or they’re not interested in you.” [via]
  6. “Are you guys swingers?” – “No” – “Ok, cool” [via]
  7. “Here’s the thing. If someone asked me flat-out if I was a swinger, the answer would be ‘No’. If they said “We’re swingers and wondered if you guys were” the answer would be… ‘Maybe? Why would you ask that?’” [via]
  8. “Ask if they have ever been to a lifestyle resort. Mention the resort by name, Like Hedo 2, don’t say it’s a swinger resort. There’s also nude and prude side there, so if they have been or are familiar it leads nicely to the nude or prude conversation. If they want to stay on the prude side you have your answer.” [via]
  9. “Use the term lifestyle or Vanilla. If they are a lifestyle couple they will know what you are talking about. One time I took a long shot and asked a younger hottie if her and her boyfriend had ever been to a lifestyle party. She said ‘What is that? Like a type of rave?’ Lol” [via]

Photo credit: Dean Drobot,

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