How to reject a couple without being mean | Swinger advice

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Rejecting someone — or a couple — is always a little intimidating. But people make it even worse when they’re persistent. You just want to let them down easy, but some people just can’t take a hint. Dealing with this online isn’t so bad, but what if you run into them at a club or event?

Awkward

If you’re struggling to find the words to let someone know you’re not interested (…like, at all), here are some go-to responses from couples who know a thing or two about rejection.

  1. “You look like fun! We are looking for something different but please say Hi! if we see each other out and about!” Just be nice on the let down, but don’t keep things going. No, “maybe later if we meet up by chance”, “we will reach out if we are available/interested/whatever…” Don’t make them think there might be a chance. [via]
  2. The LS, especially outside of a large city, can be a small world. Our opinion is that it never hurts to be kind and friendly even when turning someone down as there’s a chance you may end up face-to-face at some point. And who knows…our desires or preferences may change down the road and a couple we previously weren’t interested in for whatever reason may turn out to be just what we’re looking for. No need to burn any bridges. [via]
  3. We say “Thanks but we’re not feeling a connection at this time.” Always reference at THIS time. Because you never know down the road you meet at a party and hit it off. You go back to sls emails and see you rejected them. But at least you said at this time. Because a later time you could change your mind. Don’t burn bridges. The community is small. [via]
  4. We were talking to a couple who thought the nicest way to reject people was to ghost them (aka cut off all ties with no explanation) since it wouldn’t waste the other couple’s time by having to read an explanation. Many swingers would probably disagree with that. In general, be considerate & honest but not specific or personal. You don’t want it to accidentally come across as an attack/judgement on them…Even if you think you are being helpful, it can come across as something very hurtful. Honest but not brutally honest. [via]
  5. We went to a class at naughty in Nawlins last year and the responses that were recommended: “How sweet. Let me check in with my partner and get back with you…” “Thank you we are so flattered but we are already committed/dance card is full…” “Thank you, I’m so flattered but I think our play styles are incompatible…” “Thank you we are very flattered but we don’t think it’s a good match…” “Not enough information to play…” “Thank you but we aren’t ready to play…” Don’t lie. Credit: Tracy Kaanan dominatrix of ditties. It’s hard to say no especially when someone is nice but much better to be honest as stringing people along sucks. [via]
  6. IF a couple asks for a reason why (and only if) I always spin it to my preference vs seeming like I’m making it their issue. This is easier to do if the reason is because we desire a different dynamic (“I’m sorry, I’m mostly looking for couples with women who are bisexual, not heteroflexible) vs an attraction issue, but I’m still nice about it (“I’m sorry, I just don’t think there’s the 3/4 way attraction I’m looking for”). If they keep pestering you after this, delete and block. [via]

Photo credit: Dean Drobot


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