How To Be A Good Girl

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If you are femme-identified, and you lean toward the submissive side, being called a “good girl” has the potential to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Whether it’s offered up gaspingly in response to your oral sex skills or whispered in your ear when you get back from a long day at work, this can be a delightful compliment to hear. 

(NOTE: if you are a boy/boi, “good boy” may also apply here!)

And, if you haven’t heard this sweet, tender praise yet, that’s okay.
Here are some suggestions to help make that happen!

sensual woman in the bedroom being a good girl

4 Ways to Make Sure You’re Called a Good Girl

Ask to be Called a Good Girl

Have you told your lover, your top, your daddy/mommy—however they identify—that you want to hear those words? But, have you told them that you like and/or need explicit praise in that particular form? Make sure to have frequent conversations about what your power dynamic feels like, and how you would like to try “earning” those verbal gold stars. If not, this is where you need to start.

Nobody is psychic, and not everyone is comfortable with this kind of play. In fact, I might suspicious of someone who starts tossing around “good girl” without that conversation. There’s a very particular feel to that phrase, and not every submissive is into it. But if you are, you have to ask for it.

(NOTE: Hopefully your partner will be into you being called a “good girl” too, or at least be willing to try it on a few times during your time together. But if they’re not—if this is a game they don’t want to play—then you have to decide if they’re worth the trade-off. However, you mustn’t pressure them about it. Being a spoiled brat doesn’t work if the other person isn’t into it.)

Define What it is

In the initial opening conversations, you and your lover get to decide what exactly you’re going to be getting praise for. The answer to this will depend entirely on the nature of the dynamic that you want to explore. Let me simplify: YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHAT GAMES YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY, WOO-HOOO!

  • Do you want to be a “good girl” in your sex life? Then find out what skills your lover would like you to learn, or ask them what you already do that they really like.
  • Do either of you like the idea of “playing house”? Do they want to see you accomplish normal household things in a sexy way? Are you into that? If yes, make sure to get the details right, like no spilling when serving food (even if you are in six-inch stilettos).
  • How about praise for non-sex things? Getting a “good girl” can add something special to even the most tedious or mundane tasks, whether it’s learning recipes or working from home. Tough life tasks—big or small—can, and should, be celebrated! Let your partner know what you’d like help on, and keep informed of what you’ve accomplished with a super cute “Look what I did!”

woman enjoying being called a good girl

Refine Your Definition

Pay attention to the way that you feel when your partner praises you like this.

Does it make you giggle? Do you feel a little flushed?
Does it make you just a bit squirmy?

What exactly does being called a “good girl” do for you? What does it do for your partner?
Do more of the things that make you feel this way.

Strive to be a Good Girl

Yes, you told your partner what you want, and that you desire this kind of praise. It’s awesome to be enjoying this! But don’t be too greedy. This isn’t all or even mostly about you. This is about doing what your partner wants well enough for them to be moved to appreciate it. If they offer suggestions for improvement, treat it like any performance critique you might get at work. Then, work on it. You don’t just get a participation trophy here!

Listen when they’re responding to your sex-act homework of the week, and take their feedback seriously. Make the dinner to the best of your ability, and make sure the food and presentation (and service) are good. Nail that work project, and maybe bring a picture home, or something that you can show your partner. Don’t spill a drop when they come in your mouth.

You’ll be hearing “good girl” in no time.


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Cameryn Moore
Cameryn Moore is an award-winning playwright/performer, sex activist and educator, sidewalk pornographer, and a long-time phone sex operator. Her work in theatre, literature, and activism/advocacy is both a challenge and invitation to adventurous audiences everywhere. She is the writer and performer of five solo shows: Phone Whore, slut (r)evolution, for | play, The Pretty One (and other things that need to be said), and nerdfucker. To date, she has toured these shows to over 50 cities around the world. She is the creator and frequent host of Smut Slam, a storytelling open mic featuring real-life, first-person sex stories, and BEDx, a bar education night for sex geeks. When not performing, Cameryn sets up her world-famous traveling Smut Stand, providing bespoke typewritten erotica on the spot to happy drunks and discerning passersby. Visit Cameryn Moore to learn more.

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