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This true story was submitted anonymously. 

I was thirty-three years old and married to the man of my dreams. Then we had the talk: we wanted to see other people. Together.

A.K.A. we wanted to try swinging.

Our first club experience was everything we hoped it would be and more. Although we didn’t play with anyone, the sex we had with each other — while others watched! — was incredibly hot. Doing it “out in the open” added something. We wanted to go further. 

Within a few months, we’d made a few good friends on SwingTowns and were chatting, flirting, exchanging pics, and making plans to hook up. 

Then it hit me.

What was I doing?

My husband and I had a great marriage. Our sex was great. Everything I needed from a relationship, he was able to give to me. 

So why was I exchanging naked pics with other dudes? Why was he making plans to sleep with other women who might compete with me in bed… and why was I totally okay with that?

There’s this odd narrative about monogamy in our society that can make us feel icky or even immoral about wanting something different. When my husband and I first started swinging, I had to take a step back. I was dealing with these impulsive feelings of shame and fear, like everything we were doing was somehow wrong (even though it was consensual) and that it would only cause problems in the long run (despite the fact that my husband and I seemed closer with each shared experience).

Eventually, I took a hard look at myself and I realized all these negative feelings had only been programmed into me. I don’t come from a religious background, but notions about “one man, one woman” and “till death do us part” had been ingrained in everything from books to movies and family discussions since I was a baby. Once I was willing to step outside of all that and ask myself what I wanted, it became very clear: my husband. 

Plus way more than either of us had been taught we could ask for.

Living our truth

Since going into this lifestyle full-swing (pun completely intended), I’m happier and my marriage is stronger than ever before.

Is it always easy? No — and that’s part of the fun! As a lifestyle newbie, you’re always hearing “communication is key” and that is 100% accurate. The sheer amount of talking you and your partner have to do in order to negotiate rules, set boundaries, understand why you did or didn’t like something, etc. will leave you exhausted at times. But the beauty is in how much you discover about yourselves along the way, and how much closer you become.

So what does the lifestyle have to offer you? Here are some things it offers us: you learn about sexuality (and unlearn the stupid things you’ve been taught), you get to try things you never have before (and couldn’t do with just one person), you discover new feelings and sensations, you make new friends, you get to know your partner (and yourself) better, you have FUN, and yes: you get so much better in bed.

Eventually, the doubts slip away. What’s left is a world of freedom and excitement like you’ve never experienced.

Photo credit: rido,

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