Everyone remembers their first conversation about the birds and the bees. Chances are though, that yours didn’t include a chapter on kink, bondage, threesomes, or moresomes. You didn’t discuss the idea of watching your partner get off first. And, swinging in your future marriage was never brought up.
One thing is for certain. That notorious talk, whether it was with your parents or at school, probably raised a lot of questions. And, if you were like me, you thought about those questions quite a bit. And, if you were also like me, you didn’t share those questions with anyone else.
But, we reach a certain age when we start having sex. And, when those questions and desires start presenting themselves to you, it can be hard to know how to act on them. This is especially true in today’s society.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
Then, it might finally be time to openly explore and accept yourself and your desires. In this article, we’re talking about healthy sex exploration and the importance of kink acceptance.
Learning to Accept Your Kink
Having interests and desires outside the “norm” can be a confusing experience. This is especially true if these interests and desires have been demonized to or in front of you. Because of this, it took me quite a bit of time to figure out that there is no map to follow when it comes to sexual yearnings. In reality, no two people are alike. These words are even more true when it comes to sex and sexual interests.
But, believe it or not, ‘kinky interests’ are more common than you might think. In fact, approximately half of all adults have desires and fantasies that might be considered kinky. So, when you do decide that ‘kink’ is going to be a word used often, try not to beat yourself up about it. You’re more normal than society has led you to believe.
Take my story for example.
I write erotic fiction. I’ve always been a writer, but the fiction that drew me in came from my early experiences. At 14-years-old, I started reading romance novels. We’re not talking about the sweet, sensitive, “he kissed her” and then the scene faded out. No, I started with much more hardcore fiction, although I didn’t really know it at the time.
What I did know though, was that the scenes were much different than the talk they gave us in school. And they fascinated me. I read as much as I could, searching for books in the library and for authors named as “Anonymous” in the bookstore.
Did it bother me that I became aroused at the idea of a woman being dominated, or spanked, or tied up in the books?
But, I talked about it with a friend and he put things into perspective for me.
“Do you like pizza?” he asked.
“You know I do.” I responded, a little confused.
“How about ham?” he continued
The thought made me shudder. It’s one food that never finds its way onto my plate.
“You’re weird,” he said “I love it!”
“It doesn’t make me weird, it makes me different.”
And, just like that, I didn’t care about the diversity in my sex life. On top of it all, I came to the realization that if someone didn’t like my kinks, that was their problem. Not mine.
When it comes to sex and exploring your kinks, there are so many different styles out there. It might be hard to decide on what you’d like to experiment with first. The choice is up to you and your partner, but remember to always keep things safe, sane, and consensual.
In truth, picking out a kink isn’t very hard. All that’s required is for you to figure out the things that excite you the most. You can do this by exposing yourself to different movies, books, or articles. To be honest, the Internet makes discovering naughty things much, much easier. Here, you don’t have to withstand the stare of a bookstore clerk or the judgment of a cashier. I can still see a few of those glares from my younger days. But, now they just make me laugh.
The best way to explore your kinky side, especially when you don’t know where to begin, is to start slowly. Don’t expect yourself to be in the center of a scene in a club if you’re learning. First, start by going to that club and watching someone else perform a scene. Then, see how it makes you feel.
Consider taking a friend or significant other with you for an entertaining discussion afterward.
The most important tip when discovering your kinks is to maintain open communication. However, an element of surprise can always be fun. It’s much more exciting to show up naked on your lover’s doorstep than to say, “I’m coming over, and I don’t have any clothes on.”
A Few Suggestions for Discovering Your Kinks
In the dictionary, “kink” describes a twist in a straight line. It is a twist outside what is normally seen. And they can be anywhere and look like anything.
A wide spectrum in itself, BDSM refers to activities like power play, and tying each other up. It can also include light sadomasochism, like spanking.
Fetishes focus on an attraction to certain objects or non-genital body parts. Some of the most common fetishes include stockings, armpits, and feet.
Many people have fantasies that include specific body fluids, like spit, breast milk, and urine.
Interest in watching someone else have sex or get dressed/undressed are also incredibly common. Many people think of it as watching real-life porn.
Exhibitionism refers to the idea of putting on a show or exposing oneself. It is another very common kink.
Exploring your kinks is a fun and healthy way of learning more about yourself. It can also be a great way to spice things up in the bedroom and enjoy sex just a little more. Open a dialogue with your partner(s) about new ways that you can explore your kinks together today!
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