The swinger lifestyle isn’t something you want to dive into unprepared. Happy and healthy couples might be fooled into thinking that because their relationship is solid, nothing can possibly go wrong. Then boundaries are crossed, trust is broken, or jealousy is ignited, and they quickly learn that even simply going to a swingers club can get complicated fast!
No one said it would be easy.
Though it does come with its challenges, swinging can create some of the best experiences of your life! From discovering new parts of your sexuality, to learning about swingers and how the lifestyle can bring couples closer together, there’s a lot to be gained. To ensure that swinging is going to strengthen your relationship, not weaken it, you must take certain precautions. A healthy non-monogamous lifestyle is a very attainable goal, but it requires complete honesty and openness from both partners.
The rules you want to have when you go to a swingers club
As a couple, you are the only ones responsible for finding out what works for both of you, what doesn’t, and how you can ensure that neither of you end up feeling uncomfortable. Every couple can have slightly different “rules” from the next, so don’t worry about finding anyone to play with! Start slow and build from there. For example, when going to a swingers club for the first time, perhaps you both agree to just talk to other couples or invite others to watch the two of you together. Come up with a safe word or other means of communication so you both know to leave a situation when one of you becomes uncomfortable (it’s always the right time when you think it is!)
Something else to consider: what do you do when you meet swinger couples and one of you likes them, but the other doesn’t? You should know how to communicate with each other to avoid awkwardness later. At the same time, it is important to discuss what you are comfortable ng and what of things are off-limits.
How frequently you will be meeting with swinger couples
There aren’t any rules about how often you should meet with other swinger couples. You might decide to just go with the flow and see what happens. If you feel that this is working for you, then that’s great! However, there are situations where one of the people involved in a relationship would like going to a swingers club more often in a shorter time frame. Now, the discussion of meeting other couples can become delicate.
When talking about having fun with the same individuals, at some point, feelings might get involved so it’s important to set certain limits regarding how often you would be seeing the same couple or new ones. The deal with the swingerlifestyle is that couples are usually monogamous when they are not seeing another couple or going to a swingers club. Having fun together with other couples is usually something physical and nothing more.
The limits you would like to set for this swingerlifestyle
The swingerlifestyle is what you make it. If you would like to go to a swingers club every two weeks and agree that this is the best approach, then it’s perfect. If you talk to your loved one and choose to turn this into an annual tradition, where for one night, you can enjoy this sort of experience, that’s great too. But, if you are up to doing it every weekend, there is nothing stopping you in this case either. You set your own limits as a couple. It is important that you do all of this together.
If you have not reached the point where you go out and meet other couples, you can still set limits for the online dating part. It’s interesting to know that you can have fun this way as well. As long as you keep everything out in the open and are completely honest with one another, the outcome is going to be an amazing one. Your relationship will get to the next level, while you are living a full life and not dealing with any other limitations than the ones you have agreed on.
The fears and concerns you may have
Going to a swingers club comes with amazing advantages, but it can also make things hard in your relationship – usually, when things are forced, when communication is not great, when one partner wants to do it but the other is reluctant, and so on. You have to have an honest conversation about everything that is happening and not only in the beginning, before you go to a club. Do it before and after each experience to ensure that you both are getting everything you need from each other.
Talk about your biggest fears. Maybe you’re worried about being rejected by other couples or having to reject someone else. Maybe you are concerned that your loved one could fall in love with someone else, or that they’ll enjoy having sex with someone more than you. These are not easy things to discuss, but they are common anxieties among new and even experienced couples. Talking through them for assurance, and to have solutions in case something does go wrong, is one of the most important things you can do as a swinger couple. Discuss everything and approach this lifestyle with smiles on your faces!
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